..... I don't want to be the only person in the country to have completed and returned their census form. Admittedly, I started it on the assumption that it was The Times cryptic crossword and spent several hours trying to solve the anagram 'What religion are you?' Clearly a hazard of completing the crossword by torchlight under the bedclothes. On a previous attempt, I woke up in the morning to discover the supposed anagram was, in fact, a reminder from Specsavers for my eye test.
What worries me the most is that the government might only have my census form on which to plan future services for the country. In 20 years' time we could therefore be living in a country where the national religion is 'Gok Wan'; the average level of educational achievement is successfully completing a tube journey despite engineering works, reduced escalator service, decomissioned trains, and abundant passenger alarms; and the average householders's job is captaining the USS Enterprise. In addition, historians will be intrigued to discover that on the night of the census I was joined by an Eskimo on a mini-break from Greenland and Father Ted (on a night off from being a fictional character and being dead).
But never mind the future, what did I do yesterday, I hear you ask? Well, I went to the theatre. This involved, in no particular order, being blindfolded, getting into a makeshift car with a projection of a Spanish-speaking clown, led through dark corridors by invisible strangers and climbing under a bed to join a woman dressed as a squirrel. Which leads me to the conclusion that the present is bizarre enough, so why worry about the future.
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